Alcohol and your mental health
My own experience
My family are what you would class as “lightweights". Maybe it’s because we aren’t the tallest, maybe it is because we don’t do it that often, but we all don’t take a lot to get drunk. I think, because of my metabolism and weight, I can’t drink a lot. I drink to the point where I feel like I’m going to throw up, but usually I am not drunk at this stage, at most I am just a little hazy with speech and just in a cheerier mood. But I have always wondered maybe it is a mental block which negates my ability to drink too.
In my past relationships and nights out, especially at university, I never felt like I could enjoy my drinking. I was unknowingly designated as the “responsible one", and I was the one who’d try and find people who had wandered off, who were upset, and who were in trouble. Thinking back to university, I remember the bad nights more than the good.
My issue was that you can enjoy a night out with your friends and girlfriend, but it was finding the balance between spending time with my partner and my friends, and overthinking everything. Whilst everyone was dancing and having a laugh, I was making sure our drinks weren’t spiked, and getting annoyed by people around me. The only times I ever truly enjoyed uni nights out where when everything ran smoothly, which rarely happened.
These problems elevated when I was single before/after uni. Now there is a pressure to go talk to a girl, to buy somebody a drink, and to “not be a bore". When you aren’t drunk, and are too shy to approach girls, the nights tend to not be the best. Which is why I used to go home early, as soon as I could not longer tolerate alcohol in my system. My friends would sometimes take issue with this, but I was never built for that lifestyle.
All these issues I have mentioned in my previous article, The Pressures of “Nights Out” for a Young Person, but this goes further than that. It is not only pressure I feel from my friends, but the pressures I put upon myself, that are not even real but an anxious idea that clouds my sober mind.
In the last 12 months, I have had two anxiety attacks whilst drinking. Now, I had never really had this before, so it was a very scary feeling. Of course, I had had anxiety attacks before, but never in a public setting and due to alcohol. Luckily, I had supportive friends around me, but I still felt so scared at the time.
The first time I had an anxiety attack drinking was during my time in America. I was at a party with my then girlfriend and our friends, not many people. I could see how fast and much everybody was drinking, and I was sticking to my beer trying not to ruin my night. I felt like a ghost, like I wasn’t physically there, like I wouldn’t be missed if I wasn’t. I sat on the porch step, hoping somebody would come sort me out. Eventually, my girlfriend came and helped me, but it ruined the rest of my night.
The second time was only last month, on holiday in Spain with my friends and their girlfriends. We were sat in an outdoor bar, and again everybody had cocktail pitchers, but I was sat there, with a beer. I made an excuse to leave, and walked off. Luckily, one of my closest friends came with me and helped me. Both times, I struggled to hold back tears, and both times I felt like I didn’t belong.
After the second anxiety attack, I have an epiphany. Why am I trying to keep up with another person’s alcohol intake? Do I really feel like the amount I drink will determine my mood? Hell no. I don’t even enjoy alcohol, it’s just a way of getting a buzz. That was when I decided to cut down on drinking in social settings.
Since that anxiety attack, I have been on one night out, and in just under 3 hours I had 3 pints, and I had an amazing time. I genuinely believe I have turned a corner, and now I can accept my limits and realise I should not be comparing myself to others when we are completely different people with different tolerances.
Cheers!
